this is about the human heart

Keith Olbermann speaks thoughts from my own mind! How weird is that.

WARNING: tears may follow the delivery of this touching and passionate speech.

Keith up there is now second in line behind Ira Glass for the crown of my heart. You know, should something happen to Dave ;)

Thanks Mr. Olbermann!!

see me love me don't you leave me

not to self: buy sexy mask, increase hotness exponentially

ok, now...

It's was a good week! I did not disappear into a vacuum this week, I merely neglected the internet. I had family in town, which I love. Sometimes you remember who you are more clearly when the people who know you best are surrounding you. 

In news related to, ahem, Living Thriftily, I dyed my hair out of a box for the VERY FIRST TIME a few days ago! I know I sound like a spoiled brat but I have had my hair professionally cut and colored for over a decade now. I am no longer able to justify this luxury and thus I ended up on the dye aisle in Target. Not only did I stand in that aisle helpless and poor, but traumatized. In 7th grade I did actually buy and use a box of Glints (do you remember that stuff? hair dye that washed out in 14 rinses...) and the results were a socially suicidal and humiliating mutant neon orange tone. My mom, being the kind and compassionate woman she is, made me GO TO SCHOOL ANYWAY and I was mocked with enthusiasm. I vowed never to dye my own hair at the age of 12. So now, 14 years later, I seem to have grown up a bit. With time and faith I finally chose the shade least likely to cause further psychological damage. I took home two boxes (I have a lot of hair) of Revlon Colorsilk in Light Auburn...

before

after

Well how painless was that! My husband gave me an extra pair of hands and we both gagged and coughed our way through the saturation process. Only 2 or 3 spots of dye on the carpet later and I can honestly say I am pleased. And as trivial as it sounds, it makes me feel pretty good inside to do it the cheap way. That said when my stylist sees this she is going to go all tasmanian devil on me.

As much as I am in the mood to ignore the clothing aspect of this blog right now, I present you a mother-daughter photo shoot chock full of hangover and completely free of makeup. I was actually quite pleased with myself for being able to roll out of my bed and dress casually with minimal effort. I actually threw something together, completely out of vintage/thrifted items I might add! I am just growing leaps and bounds my friends!

casual? yes. Difficult? no!

where's a belt when you need one? eh?

dress-thrifted

cotton cardigan-express, thrifted

boots-vintage

tights-gifted

 I do think this is has been a special week, and as we wait for the official new year to make resolutions it is time to focus on ourselves in the most positive way. The country is attempting to pull it self up again from a brutal and intense battle of leadership. In a way, right now is the new year. At the least this is the beginning of something different and no matter how you felt about the outcome of the election I hope we can all put our hopeful faces on for the future. The best way to face a new day is to wipe your slate clean of yesterdays bulls**t and smile at yourself in the mirror before walkin out the door. 

Now, I have some fantastic thrifted goods to show off, er, share with you this week but first I want to encourage some good old fashioned self esteem to face the new day with! I declare the next 7 days my very own holiday. Sponsored exclusively by Magnolia Family Vintage, The Year of Living Thriftily, and myself, this holiday is a whole week of taking time off from self-criticism, self-doubt, and negative self image. Those are three different things, by the way. I know there are more of these love thyself kind of days out there on the blogosphere calendar but this week is MINE and I need your support! If your daunted by the task of leaving behind such comfortable and easy behaviors then just remind yourself that you can go back to dumping on yourself in a mere week. I won't ask you to take this any further than what I myself can handle. I am practically a professional in the field of low self-esteem. I should be getting paid for the effort and time I put into it. I know it may seem like presenting yourself for anyone to evaluate on the world wide web might require a certain amount of healthy ego...However, I put the cart before the horse with this one. I hope that this exercise in exposure (you know, blogging) will help me overcome some of my pathos in the end. We shall see! This love thyself holiday is a step in the right direction. 

Now in the honor of this holiday I am going to lay out my most articulate and, um, well thought out guide to improving your self esteem instantly! Note that these are QUICK FIXES and not meant to heal your wounded soul. This is just starter material to pick yourself up and lend a little swagger to your step. I am going to practice these strategies when I am tempted to succumb for the next seven days, and you should too. Cause I said so. So here it is, 

Self Esteem NOW! In five easy steps!

1. Find your favorite photo of yourself. 

If you possess the same warped pysche that I do, sometimes dragging out a photo that you love of yourself can actually be depressing. Maybe you don't look like that anymore. Maybe you gained weight (or lost it), maybe you got a bad haircut since that photo was taken, or your skin has since erupted into adult onset acne. You know, hypothetically. Maybe it was taken when you were happier, had more money...maybe your demonic ex is also in the photo making you lose self control and weep uncontrollably. My point is there are a million ways to distract yourself and prevent what should be a wave of positive emotion. But in the spirit of change try and keep your wits about you when you pull out your photo. Remember that THAT IS YOU. You are the pretty, happy person in that picture. It doesn't matter that you don't look the same or you are not at that point in your life anymore. That is still an image of you at your best and as such, you are as awesome as that captured moment. Hard as it is to believe, I am still the proud and beautiful mother of a miracle that I was in that photo up there!! Sometimes I forget in the wake of sleep-deprivation, laundry, and epic toddler temper tantrums. That photo was taken six weeks after the best thing that ever happened (to me) and I couldn't be more thrilled to be that woman up there. No one can take away that moment, it is proof that I am spectacular. I hope my great, great grandchildren find their way to that image.

2.  Watch Rock of Love:Charm School on VH1. 

(Now, this one is a little unorthodox, but stay with me...)

A lot of people would like to believe that "trashy" reality television shows such as VH1's Rock of Love series and its spinoff Rock of Love: Charm School 2 are brain damaging, life eating pariahs. And they are. But what people DON'T realize is that these same shows are a GOLDMINE of self esteem. Look at that photo up there. Don't you ALREADY feel classier, more stylish, and smarter??? I know I do. I have been watching Rock of Love since the beginning and not only has it brought my father and I closer together (we are equally enthralled) but I can't help but look at those women and think "DAYUM. I am a catch." When you get to observe the behavior of women who really do not respect themselves, get dressed in the dark, and resort to liquor tossing at the slightest provocation...you will hold your head a little higher, trust me. Is it a little mean-spirited?  A little petty? Yes, definitely. Sometimes you have to step on a few cheaply made-up mugs to stand taller. Sometimes, they're getting paid to be your step stool.

3. Have a private photo shoot.

 

Not a PRIVATE private photo shoot (necessarily) but spend some time and capture your self as pretty as you want to be. Get your sexy on, pull out the fake eyelashes if you want, the mini skirt, the deep V-neck, all the stops. Or don't. Take  photo of yourself looking however you feel best. I recommend blocking out a good chunk of time for this kind of exercise. In can be a little laborious. The benefit of this is that you can get together some photos of yourself that YOU like. Find your favorite angle, the light that makes you look blemish free, the outfit that deceives the lens. You'll be surprised how good it feels to look at photos of yourself that are exactly what you want them to be. I suggest mastering the self-timer on your camera and then trying different spots around your home to take the best photos in. I see photos all the time that my mom took or a friend and while they think it is aaaallll good, all I can see is the weird shape of my knee or the flattened width of my upper arm. I decided recently never to ask anyone to see a photo they took of me. It's theirs, they can do what they want, but I don't need it in my brain eating away at my self-love. Again, this is an exercise designed to increase the dopamine levels in your brain. DELETE the photos that you don't like IMMEDIATELY. You can keep your photos for your own enjoyment or post them all over the internet and wait for the validation to pour in. It's what the internet is for guys.

p.s. If you ARE in a relationship with someone you trust, go for the PRIVATE private photo shoot! DISCLAIMER: I in no way recommend sending naughty photos of yourself to ANYONE less than your very nearest and dearest. Naughty photos + people you know "pretty well" is guaranteed future blackmail. That being said, it will take days to come down from the self esteem high after you surprise your "lovah" with naughty photos on the cell phone.

4. Write down the top five BEST compliments you have ever received.

There is something to be said for the obvious. Seriously, at some point in your life, someone has said something nice to you, about you. To qualify for this list, the compliment you received has to be something you believed. If you have never believed anything good anyone has ever said about you... you might be a sociopath and you need more help than I can give you here.

My best compliments ever range from out of the blue flattery from total strangers to things my husband has told me that will be kept between us. I can tell you that the best compliments are the ones that you honestly don't know how to respond too, because thank you seems trivial. Rack your brain, compile the list, and tape it to your mirror or the inside of your locker (do kids still have lockers?) Keep it around where you can look at it. There is no shame in reliving the best feelings you had in the past. 

5. Fake it. 

 

Come on guys, just pretend. PRETEND TO HAVE SELF-ESTEEM. You know what happens when you do this? Other people believe that you are as awesome as you are pretending to believe you are and then they want to be juuuuust like you. And that feels damn good, causing self-esteem to rise. BOO-YAH. I have done actual experiments out in the real world to test the validity of this step, because to be honest I though it was a stupid concept. The age old "fake it til you make it" adage had never rung true for me, but running out of options I have put it to the test. The last time I did was on a particularly sour day and I managed to convey enough confidence in workout clothes and without a drop of sleep or makeup showing on my face, to get asked out by a complete stranger. A hot one. Not in a bar or in a social setting but at a gas station on my way home from the gym. NUMBER FIVE WORKS. 

Put a fork in it.

November 4, 2008

I don't want to lose this feeling.

Today has been so strange. I couldn't catch my breath in the voting booth and for the rest of the day I felt suspended. I didn't make any decisions or focus on any one thing all day. Nothing was clear.

I haven't been this excited in a long time. I can't wait to get Avery up in the morning and tell her that Barack Obama is the president. I think I will videotape her in the morning when she gets up so that years from now she can watch footage of such a historic day. She is only four years old. She will grow up in a world where the President of the United States is black and it is no big deal. Can you IMAGINE the kind of world view she will have compared to what we have?What a blessing. She will grow up living and breathing the belief that you DON'T have to be a white senior citizen to hold power in this country. 

I have big hopes for an Obama presidency. I hope that my daughter grows up in a country where health care is a right not reserved for the wealthy and where women are empowered of their own bodies and lives and where anyone who finds true love can get married (a girl can dream.)

I hope I am always as idealistic as I am today, right now.

And shadows still remain.

It's November! You know what that means.

1. Obsessive repeat playing of November Rain

2. Ok, really number one is the only absolute. BUT, I can wear layers pretty much every day in some form and it may not climb above 80 degrees on the odd day!

What I wore on Halloween. I was dressed up as your basic "awesome girl."

oooooh pretty pattern!

I have to admit I have been skirting the issue of this jacket. To be honest I just feel bad. To discuss this jacket is to gloat, there is no getting around it. I hate to gloat. Wait. No, that's not really it. I actually LOVE to gloat but I know how it makes me look and so I typically refrain. This is an exception. Puuuuuhfect vintage leather motorcycle jacket in good but not too good condition (you do want motorcycle jacket to look nice, but also like it may have seen a motorcycle or two in it's life.) Mine! All mine! Picked up for less than $40 at Buffalo Exchange a few weeks back. I have been throwing it on a little more lately, using any stiff breeze as an excuse to go "oooh, brrrr it's getting chilly out here! Best go get my vintage motorcycle jacket!" It seems like everyone is looking for a good moto jacket right now and I found one!!

***insert more gloating here***

The best thing about finally owning a jacket like this is I can indulge my hessian fantasy life more authentically. Those who know me well know that I have deluded myself into believing I am pretty metal...sometimes. I got in one of my hesh moods this weekend after finally downloading the White Zombie discography.

Hank III is metal? Ruining a legacy is pretty metal.

shirt-vintage Hank Williams III, thrifted

shorts-husbands old jeans, safety pinned up

boots-vintage, ebay

jacket-vintage

If you don't think Rob/White Zombie is metal enough or you just don't like him you can just promptly leave my blog then. SHOO I SAY!

How do you not love this man?

Oh wait, I feel like there is something missing...

Muuuuuch better.

Glitter Graphics

Seriously though, do you see a resemblance to anyone I know? EH?

I have a type, a really SPECIFIC type.

moving on!

I could not be more thrilled that Halloween is over. For one thing I don't have to sift through 1500 blogs about what everyone on planet internet is going to dress up as (sarah palin perhaps? a pin-up girl you say??). I am also glad I don't have to hear about everyone's mind-blowing Halloween plans. I GET IT, YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, YOU PARTY, IT'S AWESOME. I'm not as bitter as I sound, haha. I had a great Halloween! After taking my daughter trick or treating my husbands band played a show (and played it well I might add.) But, The best thing about the passing of All Hallows Eve is of course the actualization of the CANDY!! Obviously I have been eating my own weight in mini kit-kat bars for the past 48 hours.

Did you ever wonder what happens to a four year old after a powerful sugar crash?

going...

going...

GONE.

Luckily, my bloating is masked by my recent uniform of black control-top tights, my most recently purchased vintage boots, and interchangeable dresses. I know it is uncreative but sometimes when you get into a fashion groove you start digging it into a rut. But luckily it was a good week for thrifted styles, as a lot of the dressed that had been pushed to the back of my closet are starting to emerge...

Also last week...

Dress- Vintage!!

Dress- Savers!!

I am going to make a concerted effort this week to at least switch up the shoes. And maybe throw in a pair of colored tights. I have a busy month coming up. My parents are visiting! My in-laws are visiting! The circus! Calexico AND Ghostland Observatory shows! DID I MENTION THE CIRCUS? Eep.

In the meantime you should know there is a TON of stuff for sale right now in the Magnolia Family Vintage shop.

Sneak preview alert!!!

ENOUGH.

you have to work for the rest of it.

xoxo

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

My candle burns at both ends

My candle burns at both ends

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-

It gives a lovely light.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

I been busy! I went to Missouri over the weekend with family and failed to document it. It was a personal trip! I got mom to take a photo of one outfit in the Springfield airport. Not wearing sweatpants I was essentially the fanciest person flying that day. What is up with everyone wearing their pajamas to travel? I for one would like to see the day of men in suits and women in their sunday dresses to fly the friendly skies!

Dress- Vintage, thrifted

Moto jacket- Vintage, Buffalo Exchange

Shoes- FRYE

Scarf-a lovely gift

The best part of the trip? Sitting next to the most notorious MADAM from New Orleans. That's right, me and the once great purveyor of a six-hundred girl strong Big Easy brothel had a nice hour long chat. I did confirm that Obama has the hooker vote guys. Right on. She was a very sweet and compelling lady with about one thousand stories to tell. None of which are appropriate to be retold here. The good news is when the FBI busted her she took down half the elite men in the city. Get it girl.

So to keep this blog from fizzling out in the wake of my minds exhaustion I decided to steal the designer quiz from ELLE magazine. Keep in mind these questions are deisgned to be answered by designers. Please feel free to do this on your blog, for my amusement! I love a good Q&A session. Consider yourself TAGGED.

Other than yourself, who are your favorite designers?

Pierre Balmain, Alber Elbaz for Lanvin, Alaia.

If you could come back as a dress, which one would it be?

I'd love to choose a vintage piece but I am going to be honest and choose the Balmain dress Kate Hudson wore last year...to something. It is perfection in my green monster eyes.

If you could come back as a model, who would you be?

Lara Stone! Fo sho.

What's your favorite color?

Apple Green. Or Gold.

What's your favorite junk food?

Tater tots dipped in honey mustard.

If you could have another body, what would it be?

Mine, circa 2000.

OR Lara's.

Who are your fantasy dinner guests?

My daughter, age 18, Barack Obama! Stevie Nicks, June Carter Cash, and the grandpa I never had the pleasure of meeting. Him and Obama at the table would be especially hilarious.

Where's your favorite place to have a drink?

The doug fir in Portland, OR. I enjoy faux rustic interiors.

Last book you read?

Pets?

A bad ass fighting fish named Mousey.

Breakfast?

Not often to be honest.

At age seven, you wanted to be?

A movie star.

What's the one thing you find easy to forgive?

Bad taste.

What's the one thing you find impossible to forgive?

Cruelty to children.

What's your biggest self-indulgence?

Caffeine and TERRIBLE television.

Favorite Place to shop?

Joshua Tree junk shops.

Whose wallet would you like to steal?

Whose wallet wouldn't I like to steal? I mean, honestly, anyone who has more money than I do.

Whose diary would you most like to read?

I don't think I would. I would be devastated if someone did that to me. I would refrain for the sake of my karma.

If you were an inventor, what would you invent?

Spray on denim. Makin money offa the HIP KIDS, yeaaaaa.

What's your nickname?

I honestly do not have one.

When and where are you happiest?

Whenever my daughter and my husband are laughing together in my presence. Wherever that may be.

Who is your best friend?

Jasmine!

maid of honor!!

 I think a lot of people would say their husband but...your husband is not your friend. Don't kid yourself. A best friend should make you feel better and agree with you even when you're irrational. Husbands aren't like that. It is more realistic.

Who is your worst enemy?

Anyone who would hurt my kid. Well, really, I am their worst enemy.

What piece of art would you most like to own?

I know NOTHING about art.

What's your favorite vacation spot?

So far, Joshua Tree.

What's your most treasured possesion?

My great-grandmothers heart necklace

What's your favorite band?

Whiskeytown!

If you weren't a designer what would you be?

Well, I am not a designer. But if I weren't...what I am now, I'd like to be a travel writer

What's your biggest fashion regret?

The years I spent wearing khaki pants while I worked at Starbucks.

Always...

tell them you love them.

Never...

phone it in.

xoxo

I almost forgot.

Follow my blog with bloglovin´

Good Morning!!

Jordan loves Angela.

Photos Pierre Bailly

Sometimes I see an editorial so soft and inviting, so perfectly tailored to my own tastes that I spend months looking at it every single day. Reminding myself why I shun the contemporary edginess of bowed legs inside their lycra/cotton homes, slouchy v-necks, and menswear... It all has a place in the fashion spectrum, of course, and a place in my heart! But, I will probably spend the rest of my life getting dressed in the most feminine manner possible. Putting on a dress and shoes with a heel, wearing slips and lockets, enjoying the freedom of movement underneath a skirt, and emphasizing every last inch of the ratio between my measurements...the curve!! It doesn't have anything to do with weight. The linking of the words curve and weight is misleading. Miss Lily Cole is parading her own meandering femininity in the photos above! She goes out, she comes back in, she goes out again! Just like me, and you most likely. Although we aren't lucky enough to do it in those ensembles or under the forgiveness of a soft focus lense!

So today I got dressed in the best way I know how. I put on a vintage dress with a waist and a smattering of flowers.

Everyone needs a fall back look and this is mine. I don't believe in fall back careers but this is different. Sometimes you need to look good easy...cause it makes you feel good easy. I have been manipulating, abusing, and wearing thin the obvious combination of vintage dress + vintage boots for many, many years. Since way back when it was considered cool. An era that I think peaked in 2004? I blame Sienna Miller. I blame myself mostly though, because she moved on and I never will. Moving on is overrated. Find love and never move one, that's what I say.

Other news in "things I didn't buy new or pay much for either way."

dress as top-Target brand, THRIFTED

Skirt- American Apparel many many moons ago

shoes-Marc by Marc Jacob, Buffalo Exchange

The shoes only I love. Apparently.

Have you ever made a purchase you're OH SO EXCITED about and you run around town going "ooooh look what I found!!!" and the response you get is usually "oh?" Yeah, that's what happened with these shoes. I love them so much!! I love them so much I "hyperbole hyperbole hyperbole." I will spare you. No one else loves them with the same special intensity I do. But come on! They have SEQUINS! WEDGE HEELS! MARC! They were made for me, so I guess I am glad no one else loved them enough to snatch them up. And for $20 no less!

While I am on a rare streak of NOT crapping all over American Apparel, I pulled this random mustard yellow, cowl-neck top from the epicenter of cool out of my closet last week and...tried to make it happen.

Not so much.

Top- American Apparel

Skirt-American Apparel

Booties-Walmart

Belt-THRIFTED

low score for thrifting on this one

Slightly better. I may have to look grown up one day...

Jacket-THRIFTED

skirt-H&M

Shoes-Steve Madden

I wasn't thrilled by anything happening there. I sent it back. To the back of my closet, I mean.

I was however thrilled with my new POUFY JACKET from the ever generous Goodwill...

My apologies for the wonky colors on this last one!

Ooooh, I love the folds and the texture!!! I need more texture in my wardrobe. I also need a new place to self-photograph myself...or whatever. I have the most boring bedroom of all time. I mean the way it looks, of course.

OH, and Halloween is coming! I have almost decided on my costume..what do you think?

Angela?

Or Rayanne?

If you never watched My So Called Life you should probably hurry up and do so. The moment when Jordan realizes he does love Angela and he takes her hand in the hallway. It's epic. Who is with me?

Goodnight.