who are you?



I am on the internet a lot. I am on the internet a lot more than my sporadic blog posting would suggest. I am not ashamed by any means because it would be counterproductive and hey, you're here too. I think it's a beautiful thing, this constant, instant access to any and everything your little heart desires. However, it has its little funny bone hammers embedded in the most inconspicuous spots. The misspelled status update. The photo you didn't know was being taken. The inadvertent broadcast of your total and complete narcissism (*cough*).

The art of the truncated "about me" bio is one of the more absurd and hilarious nuggets to be birthed by the internet. Those tiny spaces on twitter and over there ---> where you get a squared inch and a half to appeal to the whole world. It was just a box to be typed full, in the beginning, I imagine. But now it's a science. An art form. An opus for the attention deficit generation (I ain't hatin 'cause I got diagnosed at 21 with Adult ADHD... which was a big fat Ohhhh reeeeeaaaallly?! and thanks for the newsflash moment.) I have, for no one's benefit, started taking mental notes on this phenomenon. I don't know why but I find it fascinating! And at some point I started to think I had it all figured out. See they boil down to a strategic formula based on what you want your presence to be. Who you want to portray yourself to be, as little as it may have to do with who you actually are... Follow with me if you will...

**please note I was tempted to use (mostly celebrity) real-life examples but decided against it lest it be interpreted as mean-spirited... 'cause it probably would be? So I made up all the examples. Spot on, if you ask me.***

The Categories (seem to be) as follows...

Adorable (the most popular)

*sub-categories include
-alliteration
-craftiness/fashion
-babies

most likely to appear: childlike enthusiasm for the mundane, believing animals never grow up (puppies, kitties, etc.), and a devotion to the past/things of old (vintage clothes, vinyl, mothballs, the elderly)

EXAMPLES?

"I'm Cindy-bean. I luv purple, peep-toes, purple peep-toes, and prosciutto ♥ ♥ ♥"

"friends call me Lanabear ♥ a mama-holic to 3 kittie-witties and one not kittie. I heart weaving and I upcycle bedpans into jewelry on etsy! www.etsy.com/peeplecharms!"

"just a grandma in a 16 year old's body! I love lace, the color lime, and liquor!"*

*bonus points if you slip something a little naughty into the adorable category.

Generalizations/Dislikes
- blanket statements about what you do or do not enjoy in life. Meant to imply a free-spirit, couldn't care less, too-cool-for-school vibe. Effectiveness? 85%

*sub-categories include
-people
-places
-things

most likely to appear- anything, honestly. people be gettin creative. "mean people" and "conservatives" show up a lot... maybe that's just my blogroll?

EXAMPLES?

"My name is Carla and I make stuff"

"I'm randi with an i! dislikes include: the smell of brown rice, carpel tunnel, and keratin based products"

"a vintage loving gal who gets her rocks off to good music, good people, good movies, and good food" (ooohhh reeeaaallllly???)

"mean people suck"*

*I know what you're thinking but this is still happening.


SHOCK!

*sub-categories include
-sex
-bad habits
-daddy issues

EXAMPLES?

"Laura spelled with an XXX. I like expletive filled f&*^$#g nonsense, porn porn porn, prescriptions drugs, and UNICORNS"

"I can't stop eating my fingernails, my neighbors are junkies, I'm writing a novel about homosexual firefighting dogs"

"survivor. erotic pianist. flame-throwing bitch. hope you dig it"


Cleverness/Reverse Pyschology (based on the age-old theory that telling people the exact opposite of the truth is more revealing than your choppy attempts at honesty could.ever.be.)

*sub-categories include
-sarcasm
-fantasy
-nonsense

most likely to appear- references to the "dayjob," imaginary titles in made-up lives, out of nowhere combinations

EXAMPLES?

" I'm a full-time P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S of PRADASTAN livin' the maraschino cherry GLAM SQUAD dream"

" looooovin life at me aaaaaawesome hipster cliche retail job for the man. lookin for the last train to Nashville. keepin on keepin on..."

"poet/puppeteer"

"I dig hives and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life in the go-cart factory"

It's rough out there. Our valid desires to express ourselves in the allotted space we're carving out here online might be a joke orchestrated by some ├╝ber-wealthy, bored to tears, overstimulated team of power players... Zuckerberg? Bill Murray? Jack Donaghy? We may never know.

Did I miss any?

Seacrest Out
xo

as days go by



I decided just to salvage a few photos from recent weeks (my trip to CA, my home, my family) and in no sense-making order, place them here, for your possible but not likely enjoyment... and mine ♥


Wanna play random picture post bingo? See if you can spot the following below...
  • my obsessions with thai food (stupid that I EVER have to eat other foods)
  • the worlds most adorable Daschund/Blue heeler mix
  • the best lunch ever consisting of three bottles of fluids and one curried chicken salad... maybe the culinary worlds best decision ever?
  • an awesome horsey print caftan handmade for me from a wall hanging by a dear friend
  • a man I love
  • Lula magazine up in my kitchen ya heard
  • crows feet. wah wah.
  • topanga canyon treasure trove
  • a pretty pretty princess
  • the only photo ever in which my legs look long and skinny (cherish this moment)
Ok? Go!

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for and of the magnolia man.



* warning:
the following post gets mushy and may include TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Please feel free to skip it if you are related to me or naturally cynical *


Happy Valentine's Day

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It may be late in the oh so romantical day but a.) I have a window while my man goes to the grocery store (for the ingredients to make me turkey enchiladas and fetch me my diet coke no less!) b.) I was inspired by the lovey-doveyness I just peeped over at Austin Eavesdropper c.) I had some woodchuck granny smith apple hard cider so I am buzzed. Buzzed Sarah is a mushy, wordy Sarah and d.) even though I thought we were skipping gifts this year, I got a lovely little wind chime, a new rug, and a pretty bracelet for my romantic troubles today and ALAS (cause I thought we were SKIPPING GIFTS THIS YEAR) I had nothing to offer in return to my love. Sigh, what's a girl in this modern age to do? Write a blog obviously, and dedicate it to a thoughtful, generous, goofy, imperfect, and accepting of all my imperfection MAN.

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I don't usually get to fired up about Valentine's Day because, honestly, my husband is weirdly sweet and romantic to me all other 364 days of the year. I only say "weirdly" because I cannot think of any reason I deserve to be treated so well and I am constantly trying to figure out what his "game" is. Me prodding him to find out what he is "up to" is not his favorite thing, as he insists it is because he finds me irresistible and he loves me deeply. As always the cautious and wary traveler through life, it hasn't been easy to buy... that he could just treat me this way because he WANTS TO, but who am I to say? I am going with it now and it's not always a smooth ride but it is always rewarding.

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I love you for a lot of reasons, not the least of which are...
  • on our second date you told me you thought my toes were sexy
  • you surprised me while we were dating long-distance by growing a beard, because you know I think they're sessy

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  • you love watching awful movies more than good ones, just like I do.
  • you promised to always be in charge of cleaning the tub drain, even though it is mostly my hair that clogs it


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  • you tolerate hours of thrifting and treasure hunting, patiently and with enough enthusiasm to make me feel like you're NOT exhausted and bored
  • you know what hair product I use and can find it all by yourself in the shop

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  • you're a patient and gratuitous with praise guitar teacher
  • you'll make me the same dish for dinner 5 nights in a row if I want it, even when you don't
  • you come home from work and prepare dinner! It's a fantasy I live in...

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  • you never, ever stop encouraging me in my business/passion, even when it means you have to carry the financial burdens of our family by yourself sometimes (it won't always be this way and your faith in that is remarkable)
  • you think it's cute that I can't remember the lyrics to any songs... ever. And that I choose to sing them anyway
  • you never leave me alone. Washing dishes or in my "pirate pants" (haaaa) or un-showered for three days you always come after me, which never fails to make me feel like a sex bomb!

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  • you proposed to me in an alley while I clutched a bottle of booze in a brown paper bag (New Year's Eve y'all!), and it was magical because you were the one asking
  • you know when I need a diet coke, a red bull, or a cocktail (or any combination of those three)

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  • you are naturally a better parent than I will ever learn to be. you showed up on day one ready (or faking it remarkably) to be super-dad to my baby girl. your compassion, patience, enthusiasm, and natural love for her has proven your heart over and over again. you haven't let us down for one damn day baby.

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my best and my favorite, for all that and more I am saying thank you and I love you on this commercially approved commemorative day. And all the other days from now until forever ♥


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seacrest out
xo

On pants and why Sarah hates them*



I don't know if you noticed or not but a few weeks ago I changed the url of this blog to www.sarahhatespants.com. It occurs to me now that you deserve an explanation. Or maybe you've known me for more than ten days and you're tired of hearing about it. In that case feel free to skip this post. I will now, today, list for you the reasons I hate pants.

*I begin with a disclaimer. A list of things I DO NOT HATE. Pay attention because it is important for you to know that although I do HATE some things, I am not a HATER. I do not partake of the haterade, as it were. I don't like the way it tastes*

I do NOT HATE...

  • PEOPLE WHO WEAR PANTS
  • PEOPLE WHO MANUFACTURE PANTS
  • PEOPLE WHO DESIGN PANTS
  • PEOPLE WHO SELL PANTS
  • PEOPLE WHO LOVE PANTS
  • PEOPLE WHO MILDLY DISAGREE
  • PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER READ THIS
got that? Ok good, let's begin.

I hate pants because...

  • They don't fit... me (and several others, honestly.) be it muffin top or saggy butt or kangaroo pouch I cannot find pants that I feel fit my body. Maybe the fashion gods are unaware that my body shape exists or maybe they are just pretending not to know because it grosses them out. Either way, I have spent way too many hours of my life TRYING in vain to find a pair of pants that acknowledges my butt, thigh, waist, height ratio and at a certain point I had to ask "WHY?" Why Sarah are you spending so much time looking for something that doesn't exist? Also, this is a painful, emotional, laborious process completely free of pleasure. So I stopped torturing my mother, husband, friends, and offspring with dressing room panic attacks and temper tantrums. Altogether.
  • They are not comfortable. I know because I do own A pair. They are black Levi's and when I sit down they cut me off in my tummy and it's dumb. You know why they squeeeeze me in half at the middle? I don't either because they manage to accomadate my rear end and thighs fine so what's the deal? No one knows. Again I can choose to believe that the pants making associations of the world are wrong OR my body is wrong. Guess which one I am going with?
  • "Hike, hike, tug tug" This is what I call the little dance that the pants wearers of this world do every time they stand up or raise up from bending over or get out of a car or... move. Hike hike up the pant, tug tug down the top. It's reminiscent of the "yank, yank" that women do every fifteen seconds while wearing a strapless dress. Cuuuuuute. I blame the low-rise fit of most popular denim... not you. I really think women are just the victims of a bizarre fetish perpetrated by a secret society of jiggle watchers. I mean think about it? All that tugging and yanking? Someone out there is into it. I'm not here to judge anyones sexual proclivitys but I do not wish to take part, thanks anyhoo.
  • Dresses/skirts are better/more comfortable/more flattering. This is just me. I looooove to wear a dress. I feel good in a dress. I look better in a skirt. My husband and my friends disagree and have kindly expressed that they like the way I look in pants, which is awesome (thanks guys!). But ultimately, what I wear is a big part of how I express myself (not my friends or my husband) and how I take care of myself ( again...) It's just my opinion and there is no reason for me to NOT roll with it. If I were wearing pants 2 days a week, I'd be spending 2 days a week not doing what makes me happy or what makes me feel good. In a world of bills and wars and self-doubt and stress why not just DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?! Do what you can, when you can, to make yourself feel good. It sounds self-indulgent but who better to indulge? Loving yourself is important and I figured out a small step to that ultimate goal.
...and for good measure here is a really old (2006? 07?) picture of me in pants. mostly because no one cares about a photo free blog post and partly because I want to prove that I gave it a shot.

:/

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ugh, not me. not me at'all.

Now let's move on with our regularly scheduled programming...

seacrest out
xo

* I hereby withhold the inclusion of sweatpants, track pants, and leggings. I have no beef with ye.

Ann He lends her shine to MFV ♥



In case you missed these when we posted them on Facebook a little while back. We'd love to share these shots by Ann He for Magnolia Family Vintage with you ♥


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models: the lovely (and giggly) Kathleen and Emily

we hope you liked it

♥ keep it in the family